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Actual excuse notes from parents (including original
spelling)
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take
P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I
had her shot.
[Editor's note: the firing squad seems to be the
preferred solution to childhood ailments in Middle
America].
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan.
28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is
administrating.
Excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he
fell out of tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out
of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing
football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has
been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his
side.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose
vowels.
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had
(diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had
diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's
fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas
shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We
forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when
we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to
attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired.
She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had
a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was
in bed with gramps.
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a
gangover.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the
doctor.
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a
fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her
sister was also sick, fever and sore throat. Her
brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I
wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There
must be something going around, her father even got hot
last night.